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August 31, 2006
Question: i love him, but he has pretty friends and i don't trust him. should i dump him?
ANSWER: Because he has pretty friends? No. If he does something that ruins your trust in him, yes.
Wizard
August 28, 2006
Question: ok this is for one of my mates. Well, she’s going out with a boy and he’s made her harm herself. Ok, so im not sure whether she should dump him or not. she told me to ask u if she should dump him.
ANSWER: Yes, she should.
Wizard
August 20, 2006
Question: He loves me, wants to be with me forever and tells me I’m perfect for him, but he wants to be able to do whatever he wants whenever he wants. Hence we hang out once a week at my house and listen to him always tell me he's going to take me places, i.e., disneyland, shopping, massages, out to eat and never does!
ANSWER: What’s wrong with this DUD? You know what you must do. A dud Deserves Ultimate Dump.
Wizard
August 18, 2006
Question: I've been with my bf for almost 2 years. i love him very much and he loves me. but lately i've been starting to feel like i love him more as a friend. the sexual side of our relationship is pretty much gone for me. i just dont feel like trying. and then recently another guy entered the picture. i've liked this guy for a really long time and he’s just amazing. i haven’t cheated physically, maybe emotionally if that’s possible. i feel sometimes like i should leave the guy i'm with but
then i spend time with him and i'm not so sure. we do have really great chemistry and have a lot of fun when we're together. we never fight either. its just the sex thing is missing. and sometimes i feel like i have to look after him which drives me crazy. last year he really depended on me for money and i finally was able to push him to get a job. i guess he’s doing okay now. i'm just so confused, because we really do get along and he loves me so much. i dont want to hurt him. oh and we also are college students and live together.
i just wrote in a minute ago about my 2 year relationship (the one without the sex). there was something i wanted to add. if i were to break up with him, do i tell him about the other guy? i really want to stay friends with him if possible. but i feel like its the honest thing to do.
ANSWER: After two years and living together, and with such good emotional chemistry, he will be difficult to dump. But it is your needs and wants that count in dating. If you had married, then you’d want to work to improve things that are not right and fix them. But not having married you need not do that, unless you are so in love that you will take the time and sacrifice to do the work it takes to fix them. He would have to make the same commitment, and this is one reason why dating is so different from marriage. You don’t have to fix the problems if both of you do not commit to fixing them.
One cause of your confusion arises from the length of your relationship. Both of you have contributed so much to each other that it might be confusing to find that you have feelings for another guy – in fact, enough interest to think of ending the relationship. But to do that, and lose your boyfriend as a friend, would be devastating and such a waste.
You must decide whether you want to stay with your boyfriend and fix the problems. Think of this: Would you want to discuss with your boyfriend the lack of sex problem and commit to him to try to fix it? Does that idea make any sense? The wizard suspects not.
You said you “just don’t feel like trying.” If you won’t commit to working on it, there is no sense in asking him to do so. Indeed, the attraction to another guy might not have happened if all was well in your relationship with your boyfriend.
Think of this also: That he loves you so much may not be enough to keep him. The real question is how you feel, not him.
If it does not make sense to ask him about working on the sex problem, you should conclude that this relationship will not last. Once you reach that conclusion, it is time to end it (at least as a dating relationship). Once that is determined, you should use as your reason the truth – that the relationship has that one unsatisfactory aspect to it. You can tell him that you would like to keep a non-dating relationship, but that you want to move on in so far as dating goes. If he asks if there is another guy, you can say not yet, but there will be.
It is difficult – especially after two years of commitment – but once you determine the dating is over, you must be clear and unmistakable in your message. That is the best for him. He must also move along and find a new relationship without coming back to change your thinking, living in hope that you will love him (for dating) again.
Wizard
August 14, 2006
Question: Hi,
I have been seeing this guy seriously for three years now. He was also into this relationship. We belong to different religions and his parents are very staunch about their religion. The guy has asked me to forget about the relationship, even without trying to convince his parents or talk to them about this issue. I would never break up with him. What should I do?
ANSWER: The guy is putting his religion (or the influence of his parents, or some other reason) ahead of his feelings for you. In other words, he would break up with you, and he is trying to do so.
If his reason is genuine on the religion issue, you can’t do much except to appeal to his love for you. If that is missing, you’re completely out of luck.
If the real reason is that his parents have that much control over him, perhaps you wouldn’t want him anyway.
And finally, if these are only excuses and he really wants to end the relationship (for whatever reason), you can try to convince him otherwise, but you’ll likely be disappointed.
All of these point to one unhappy result if you want the relationship to continue. In the long run you might find it is a happy result because you’ll find someone else who won’t go bust on you after three years.
Wizard
August 13, 2006
Question: I always find myself heartbroken or dumped, no matter how careful I get. I have always been committed. The guys are only committed for a while. He just started acting up after our first sex. It is obvious he is not in love like me. I care so much about him and even though I saw some red lights, I went ahead and fell in love with him anyway. Sometimes I feel I know what to do but don't get to do it because I turn to fall in love with the wrong people. And I don't seem to love those who genuinely love me. I know when a man is in love and I can tell with no doubt that this guy is not in love with me. He has broken my heart and I know he is not the kind of guy I want to share my life with, even though I stupidly love him. I will never accept his proposal to marry me. I just want to get over him and don't know how. Sometimes I feel like taking revenge or making him feel the way I feel. I just don't know how, need help.
ANSWER: Getting hurt is horrible. And being frustrated over the quality of guy you have eats at you at the heart and stomach. You have love to give – and surely there is a guy out there who will give you the love you deserve. If you compromise on that by accepting a guy that doesn’t love you, then you’ll miss out on the guy who will love you.
It will come. You need to keep trying. Just don’t waste your time on guys who won’t or can’t love you.
Wizard
August 8, 2006
Question: dear wizard
i wrote to you on june 12 about my bf who does not assist me financially since we have a baby together. i still have not dumped him though he still has the same problem. i dont know whether i am scared to be alone or i want him in my daughter's life, but i think it's more of the former. i stayed a month without seeing him. then i could not take it no more, i went back to him.
now the real problem is my first boyfriend whom i spent almost 7 years with wants me back. we broke up because he got some girl pregnant whilst still with me. then he apologized and said it was a one night stand. i believed him but i just couldn't forgive him. i was too jealous because we had planned everything, when to get married and have babies. then he disappointed me. now we send each other romantic stuff and all that. eventually we agreed to start all over again. its been three weeks now since we agreed to get back together again. we have been mostly talking through text but have not seen each other. i think we are both scared because we used to drive each other crazy. nothing mattered. now he wants to see me so bad, i'm scared that once we seen each other we will not be able to have time for the people we have babies with.
what should i do, dump the father of my baby or my first love, because i know if i go for him, i'll have a wonderful life, then what of my baby? i can't see them both.
ANSWER: The children come first. That means your former boyfriend must not end his relationship with his baby, and you must not end your relationship with your baby. If you keep your relationships with your children (which is a must do thing), that means the other parent of each child will be involved in your life, because decisions have to be made with the other parent about all kinds of issues. You don’t have to live with them, but you can’t shut them out.
So! Yes, you can get together with your old boyfriend and have a wonderful life together, with your two children and the continuing involvement of the woman he had a baby with and the guy you had a baby with. If you can’t do it that way, don’t do it.
The children must have healthy, happy relationships with both of their parents. If you choose a love relationship with your ex-boyfriend in the place of your children (in other words, not involving your children and their other parents), that is a bad, selfish act.
Children are a great responsibility and an enormous reward in life. They are not to be dumped. Dates get dumped, not children.
Wizard
August 7, 2006
Question: I have been attracted to a man 16 years my junior for 2 years and we have been to lunch and dinner together and he has come over to my house for dinners and hot tubbing, etc. He got a girlfriend last year, but since then has been texting me and online with me more than ever. We have phone sex now and although i have been trying to distance myself from him, he keeps coming back for more. Why would he feel the need to mess around with me if he has a girlfriend? i feel used but i am still in love with him and he knows it. i wish i knew if i should dump him for good, but i am secretly hoping he will dump her for me. what should i do?
ANSWER: He is attracted to you and you give him excitement that he does not find elsewhere. He is using you, but you do not mind.
He probably is not romantically interested (though maybe he is). If that is what you want, communicate with him differently. That might mean stopping the telephone sex, expanding where you meet him personally, communicating about all kinds of non-sexual things, and learning more about each other’s “person.” If the relationship flourishes from there, all and good. If it doesn’t, you’ll know he was only getting his kicks out of you.
Wizard
August 6, 2006
Question: i was with my boyfriend for nearly 8 months and then he cheated on me TWICE with my two best friends. he went on a school trip and then the next day finished with me in a text! i was so gutted i cried for 5 days non-stop and then i saw him at school 5 days later. he kept saying he was so sorry and kept asking me out. i was so in love with him still i said yes!
but now i have given up. we was goin’ for so long that i cant be bothered to count the days no more. i dont feel nothing for him except friendship now. so i need to know if i should dump him and if i should how could i do it gently friendly and nicely??
ANSWER: Once you have decided to dump your boyfriend, do it so clearly and unmistakably that he knows it is over. Don’t let him think he can change your mind.
You said you feel nothing for him and now only feel friendship. That is a good reason for a friendly dump.
Friendly does not mean unsure, maybe, let’s try again later, call me maybe next week. It means I like you as a friend but no longer as a date. Let’s be friends, but I am stopping the dating. Do not call me for a date, or even a friendly date, because there is no such thing. But remember I like you as a person and I’ll remember you in a good way, but we’ll leave it at that. If he doesn’t get the message, the nicest way is to then be less friendly. A mature and experienced boyfriend who respects the needs and wants of his girlfriend will understand a nice dump and accept it.
Dumps are not fun for anybody. All dumpees must learn this truth: Every dump is an opportunity for a new beginning.
Wizard
August 5, 2006
Question: l'm with my boyfriend since 2002 and until now he didn't decide to propose to me .. should i dump him ??
ANSWER: He probably just isn’t ready yet. If you are ready, you can propose to him.
Dump him if you need more of a commitment from him than you are getting. Or dump him if you determine that he will never marry you, and you definitely want to get married. But be careful about jumping to conclusions. Marriage is a big decision for both of you.
Wizard
August 4, 2006
Question: me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 months, but there is this guy iv liked since i was 6...im 13 now.....but Steve (my Boyfriend) is really sweet, but he has been a jerk lately. Dan is so sweet but he lives a state away...but he likes me back. But its hard to dump Steve because he cares a lot about me....should i dump Steve?
ANSWER: Whether to dump is a question only you can answer because it is personal to you. If Steve has been so much of a jerk that you don’t want to date him anymore, then you should dump him. If you think it was momentary and a mistake, and he really isn’t a jerk, you probably shouldn’t dump him.
But then, if you want to dump him for some other reason, like wanting to date someone else, then you might do that because you want to. If the other guy is Dan, it might be difficult to dump Steve and date Dan a state away. You might spend a lot of time without a guy, unless you find a third guy, which is entirely possible.
Just do what your heart feels like doing. That will be the right thing.
Wizard
August 4, 2006
Question: Hi
i`m 23 and totally confused. i met my bf 2 years ago. at first it felt good to be with him but as the time moved on i realized im not involved with him anymore. i still had feelings for my ex whom i loved very much. after my ex`s death i felt totally nothing for my current bf. now i`ve fallen in love with someone else. he is 20 and is in a relationship with a girl 18 years old. we feel the same bout each other but now im so confused. i dont know what to do. i really like the other guy and i dont know what to do with my bf...he started talking about marriage!!! and having babies!!!! our relationship is not what i want it to be. we fight alot...and on the other side i cant always see the other one. i know im not fair cheating on my bf but as i said i really like the other guy. im totally confused........what can i do??? i really neeed help!!!!! every moment i share with the other guy.....i dont even know how to put it....i love it!!!! what can i do????? SOS PLEASE HELP ME!!!!
ANSWER: Date the other guy and enjoy yourself. If the other guy can’t see you because of another girlfriend, he doesn’t like you enough. From what you have said, he does like you, and he might be hoping you’ll forget your boyfriend.
Anyway, the wizard has broken down your problem into its simplest components and rearranged the issues in the order of their importance, and advises as follows:
Number one: You should dump your current boyfriend. You are not involved with him any more; you feel totally nothing for him; he’s talking of marriage and babies, and you don’t feel the relationship is what it should be; you fight a lot; and you have fallen in love with another guy. Wow. Now that is a pretty hefty set of good reasons for a dump.
Number two: Try to see the other guy all that you want. You will not be cheating on your boyfriend if you end that relationship. You are ready for a new relationship with this other guy. You enjoy every moment with him so . . . get as much time as you can with him.
Number three: If you can’t see the other guy, or if that relationship for any reason doesn’t take off, then find another guy, but don’t go back to the boyfriend (hopefully soon to be ex-boyfriend).
One note of wisdom: Finding a new date is not like finding a new job. If you work for Keep It Clean Laundry and discover the washers are dirty, you start looking for a new job, and you keep your current job until you find the new one. Not that way in dating! If you are dating Joe but discover he's an intolerable slob, you dump him. You don’t wait until you find Harry or Steve or Ralph.
Wizard
August 3, 2006
Question: We first met at work and he called all the time. Then we hooked up and I cant get over him. He told me he wont commit, and Im ok with that. But, I only see him during the day and he has never taken me out. Should I dump him?
ANSWER: If that is all he’ll give you of his time, yes. Tell him he’s too skimpy with his time. If he says he can’t commit again, you should go find another guy.
Wizard
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