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November 28, 2006
Question: My bf thinks I have cheated on him. He says during sex he can tell by . . . He said I'm . . . . and that’s how he can tell. Is there truth to this? If you have sex during your . . . . Or is there something else going on with him?
ANSWER: The wizard apologizes to all for the edited version. The better side of discretion warrants an edited version.
The wizard is not a sexologist. You might talk to a gynecologist or your physician for a clinical answer to double-check the answers below.
Answer to question one: No. Answer to question two: Sometimes. Answer to question three: He is playing with you.
Wizard
November 27, 2006
Question: My guy says he loves me and only me, but I have seen emails from other guys and found his active profile at many online dating sites. Should I dump him?
ANSWER: Other guys? Anyway, no, don’t dump him just because you found a profile. Talk to him about it. If you like his profile, say so, and tell him you are the only girl he needs.
If he continues the profile, and corresponds with girls, then a dump is a reasonable response.
Wizard
November 25, 2006
Question: Is complacency acceptable? If someone fills those requirements yet it's mediocre, is this acceptable? Should one just stay in the relationship even though the person makes their face grow long by being so leechy and consistent? His voice is too loud and everything he says is like a proclamation, but I hardly agree with his outlook. He's on the Earth and I'm somewhere in the clouds and they say opposites attract but I've played with magnets and I know that opposition has a force field. It's been three years and I feel done, maybe it is prematurely done but when is an end appropriate anyways? Is a dump completely inappropriate based on this?
ANSWER: A dump is appropriate if you are uncomfortable with your date. Complacency exists only if you are complacent – which means that you are not disturbed by the current state of affairs. If you are not happy – complacent – with the mediocrity of your date, you should take the scarier course and dump him.
The reality of your voice is you feel "done." The end of the relationship may give you a new life, a source of new experience and adventure, and might remove the “done” feeling with a feeling of rebirth and excitement.
Wizard
November 25, 2006
Question: There is this guy I'm seeing and I want to dump him but I'm scared. I have all these fears, societally. I have no friends and he helps me to branch out and I'm dependent on him for saying and doing what I can't say or do. I'm totally bored of myself for being like this. I'm either a fatalist or I really want something radical to happen to shake it up. He's not treating me bad. He knows how I feel and still wants to stay with me. He thinks I'm amazing! I think I'm weak. What's it about Wizard? Am I just weak? Should I dump him and run a little test and risk losing him forever? My society fear is that everyone knows us together and loves us but he's been my voice for so long that I feel when we are done, my voice is too.
ANSWER: What’s it all about? It’s about finding yourself.
You have a need that he does not fill because he overshadows you and takes charge of the conversation. Specifically, you need to meet people and engage with them by making friends and communicating thoughts and ideas in an interactive manner.
Because of this, you have not found yourself. You need to do that before you can find out how strong you really are. You need to do that before you can be fair to yourself in assessing your dating situation along with the many other major things that life presents.
Tell him you need to find yourself. That will require time apart during which you will be out with other people – maybe not dating, but socially out with people in an environment conducive to making friends. You need to intermingle in a safe and friendly atmosphere without him.
If he truly knows how you feel, and if he is confident in his own self-worth, and if he is a generous human being, he will let you do all of that and will remain patient while you do it. Then, and only then, will you be able to reinsert yourself into a relationship with him and build on that dating relationship as a strong, engaging, confident, and whole individual.
You are guilty of being a fatalist only if you deny yourself the opportunity to find yourself.
Wizard
November 24, 2006
Question: There is a guy who I date that will do anything for me, I mean ANYTHING. He is super duper reliable, the most dependable person ever. This has ended up turning me away. His teeth are messed up and he's older but still he is attractive. I can't tell if I'm searching for something to be wrong or if there is something wrong. He works a job as a bartender and he is 31 and his whole life revolves around me.
He followed me here to my hometown and he lives in a garage apartment. I'm 24 and I just feel I have no respect for him although he is great for my self-esteem. He is very supportive. I just wish I could date other guys my own age and who have agendas other than me. I am slightly bad to him because he'll take it and he's a little smothering so I say stuff sometimes that are "lashing out" but I feel bad soon afterwards. He's so sweet. What is wrong with me? I feel the problem is with me and maybe I would miss him if he were gone but when I say it's over, he cries and carries on and I don't know what to do.
ANSWER: There is nothing wrong with you. You just need to let go of him. Go out and meet other guys. Date someone more your age for a change. If it doesn’t go well, end it and date someone else after that. Expand your horizons. Build on your experience. Have some fun.
Wizard
November 24, 2006
Question: I am 25 and am dating a guy who is 32 and he's nice and caring and we have worked through control issues of the past where he told me what to do. This really changed my personality (him telling me what to do). It made me scared to make decisions on my own. Paradoxically, he introduced me to being a pothead. Someone else came into my life who never has done drugs and is exemplary as a Christian and is my age. I dumped current boyfriend but he cried, didn't eat for days, and never disappeared, threatened new guy and threatened to kill himself. He works in my neighborhood and lives down the street. The other guy can't really even visit. The "current boyfriend" still acts and calls himself my boyfriend and it's like I dumped him but didn't dump him because everyone still thinks were together and now the other guy is fading and I feel I have a lot of baggage but I'm not even married!!
ANSWER: This is a piano you need to get off your back.
You must, first of all, never communicate anything inconsistent with a complete and irrefutable dump. Never give a response to any communication from him to you. Do not acknowledge his existence. To the extent possible, stay clear of him at all times and places.
At 32 he sounds like a cry-baby, too spoiled to accept disappointment in the real world. By now he should have lost the infantile antics.
By email send us (to wizard@dumpaguy.com) your name and address – or if you want it sent to him, send us your “current boyfriend’s” name and address. We will send a complimentary Dump Certificate to you or, better, to him. In your message, put in the date and approximate time you sent your question. This will identify you sufficiently for verification purposes.
Please note that we will not publish or use your name and address, or his name and address, at any other time for any other purpose whatsoever.
Wizard
November 22, 2006
Question: This is so weird to me. Several things are wrong. But call me a fool, some things are fine. I have been with my boyfriend for a year and 1/2. He told me he loved me after two weeks of knowing me and tells me all the time how much he loves me. For about 8 months things were great sexually. He wanted to see me all the time. A few months ago he stopped coming on to me sexually. He always says to me, “I'm not horny!” What troubles me is that we are both busy with our jobs, so we only get to see each other twice a week, if we are lucky three, and that is just a weekend. Plus beside the fact he is a stockbroker and he is also playing baseball. By the time we see each other he always says he is so tired he doesn't feel like it. I keep myself up to look sexy and I am so attracted to him. I want to jump his bones when I see him. He always tells me how beautiful I am, and that is one of the names he calls me by. I have
cried to him in frustration . . . and he says i love you so much.
ANSWER: To test him, you can have a sit-down with him and talk about it directly. Or you can play a cat and mouse game – act less interested and see if it generates a little more interest on his part. Or, if you are old enough and independent enough, you could suggest a weekend away together. And you can do any combination of the above.
Beware. The lack of sexual interest can be a signal of a bigger problem in the relationship.
Wizard
November 21, 2006
Question: this guy and I have been just messing around for a month now. But it’s only once a week that he will ever call me. He never tells me how he feels, other than he likes me, and he doesn’t want me upset at him. He’s really sweet when we are together, so I don’t want to end things, but he seems to be just satisfied with seeing me once a week if that, and I don’t feel right about it
ANSWER: If he likes you as much as you like him, he should want to see more of you too, and would do so if he was not tied up with something else. Talk to him directly at your next date. Tell him you would like to see him more than once a week. If he says he is too busy, be sure to ask him what it is that he does to be so busy.
If you are not satisfied with the answer you get, he is likely not as interested in you as you are in him.
Wizard
November 21, 2006
Question: Hello, My name is Andrea and I am 25 years old. I have been with my boyfriend for a year now. About six months ago he lost his job and apartment and he moved in on me. I had told him that he could not live with me and never left my apartment. So I felt bad and I let him stay until he got a job. About two months later he told me that he purposely left, got himself fired, from his job because he did not like his job. His job also included his apartment. One day my father was supposed to come by my
house so I told him that he could not stay here if my dad were to come to my house because my father was going to sleep over. My father did not know about my boyfriend and he is strict about things like that because he does not want to see me hurt due to my last relationship, and as well my dad does not even know about him. I don't know what to do. My 2 children do not like him as well. He has 3 children and 2 of which he does not see because the mother of the children cheated on him.
ANSWER: The missing factor here is love.
If you love your boyfriend and want to have him around, you might be more willing to be generous in letting him stay and risky in having him around when your father shows up.
If you do not love your boyfriend, you should stop labeling him as a boyfriend and begin labeling him as a leech. He should leave immediately because he has worn out his welcome.
Wizard
November 19, 2006
Question: I was dating this boy for 11 months, but then I dumped him because I felt that he loved me much more than I loved him. I never really fell in love with him, but he is a great guy. I feel that he is the perfect man for me. We still see each other very often and we keep "dating" but we don´t have a serious relationship now. I would like to fall in love with him, but I don´t know how. Do you think it is possible or should I just forget it and move on?
ANSWER: Always love is a possibility. With this boy, or man, well, this Wizard is powerless to know.
If you feel a desire to love in your veins, keep it alive and act on it. If you are disappointed, know that in your future you will feel the same again and you will act on it again, and love will come back to you, because love in the dating world is a two way street.
Wizard
November 13, 2006
Question: If a guy you have been dating for 10 months thinks you want to be with other guys because you talk to guys and thinks now you have been cheating...should you give up on him or try to reassure him?
If he stops talking to you should you try and reach out or leave him alone?
ANSWER: Try to reason with him and reassure him. If that doesn’t work, not enough trust exists in the relationship to overcome his jealousy and suspicions. If a trust cannot be established, leave him.
Wizard
November 12, 2006
Question:
I have been with a guy for 8 months...he thinks I'm cheating on him because other guys text me with their girl problems. He has gone so far as 2 say he can tell when we have sex. I have never cheated and he won’t believe me. WHAT SHOULD I SAY AND DO? Can a guy tell if a girl has cheated when having sex?
ANSWER: You cannot continue in a relationship without trust. If he cannot trust you, he shouldn’t be able to date you. Any good relationship is one of trust.
No, he cannot tell.
Wizard
November 10, 2006
Question: I really love him but he is married and won’t leave his wife.
ANSWER: Find a new guy to love. Stay away from a married guy unless you enjoy huge trouble.
Wizard
November 10, 2006
Question: Dear Wizard,
I think my boyfriend loves sports more than me. I love him but we've been fighting a lot recently...
What should I do - please help me!
ANSWER: Nothing wrong with a boyfriend or a girlfriend liking something more than the other, but there is something wrong if it messes up priorities. If the boyfriend likes sports more than you, the problem is real. If what you really mean is that he likes sports a lot and sometimes seems to be putting sports ahead of you, it may be that he still likes you more but doesn’t want to miss an important game, or something like that. Some toleration of the guy’s quirks (though guys will scream that sports is never a quirk) is a good idea, because he should be able to have other likes in addition to you.
However, if he can’t talk with you about how to include you, or if you and he cannot agree that priorities put you first (with you understanding and accepting his need to enjoy sports), then you might need to find someone less obsessed with sports.
Wizard
November 6, 2006
Question: i'm in love with my boyfriend, and he treats me very well, but i know he's wrong for me and he doesn't make me happy and every time i'm with him i feel so guilty and if i had the will power, i'd never go back to him. but i can't seem to bring myself to finally dump him. help me!
ANSWER: The wizard cannot supply you with will power.
You love him and he treats you well. And yet you feel he is wrong for you and you feel guilty. Figure out what is wrong with that and you might free yourself from your problem.
Wizard
November 5, 2006
Question: i got back in touch with an ex boyfriend that I really loved. when we got back together i really thought it was going to be forever. he drove over 2 hrs to come and see me. during our date his nephew tried to kill himself and he left abruptly. we talked and then one day he told me that he did not have time to see me.
i couldn't understand what i had done. i was so devastated. so i continued to try and talk to him. sometimes he would answer, sometimes not. his friends would tell me to keep at it, that he would figure it out. he writes me and tells me he is involved with a nurse and that it is serious. she gets mad anytime i call or email and he still emails me. i got a job 15 minutes away from him. i also got very ill and almost died. he would not come to see me. he said it would not work. i feel like such a fool because we at one time had a great relationship. this sucks and my feelings really got hurt. there is a guy i work with who is very interested. i am a little bit but i just don’t know.
ANSWER: Try to date the guy at work. If he has a good sense of humor, he might lighten up your world. What you need is someone who is fun. Such a guy does exist and hopefully you will find him soon. Remember, though, he will need you to be able to smile and make light of things with him.
Wizard
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