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September 29, 2006
Question: He's cute, funny, smart, short but also younger than me. We've been together for 4 months but I don't think I'm ready for a relationship again. I like him more just as my friend and don’t like it when he tries to be romantic. He's a really nice guy and he really cares. He seems too good for me to let go but I don't feel comfortable around him.
ANSWER: Well described reasons for a soft and casual dump. Tell him that he’s a really nice guy and that you know he cares, but you aren’t ready for a relationship again. You’d like him to be a friend and not a romance. Telling him the truth is the best means of avoiding a romance – and probably your best chance at keeping a friendship.
Wizard
September 27, 2006
Question: My guy is really kind to me but can be rude to other people. I know it sounds shallow but he is really ugly and I don't fancy him. We don't live near each other and only talk by email (Don't worry, we didn't meet on the net). How could I dump him?
ANSWER: Send him a polite email stating that you want to start writing to another guy. Give him a compliment or two, wish him well in future email relationships, then say good-bye.
Don’t answer future email messages from him. If he calls on the telephone, tell him you are already in a dating relationship with another guy.
That should do it.
Wizard
September 26, 2006
Question: i have been dating this guy for almost 11 years. we have had some good times. we have 3 kids together, and just recently after me telling him i was interested in someone else (we were not together at this point), out of nowhere he asked me to marry him…. I said yes, thinking i could put my feelings for this other person behind me…, but it has come to my attention that i think i am in love with this younger guy and i think he may have feelings for me also, but i am not for certain..what should i do!
ANSWER: Having had three kids with this guy means you will be “engaged” with him for a very long time – in raising the kids and making decisions about their welfare. But, if you don’t love him, and you fall in love with another guy, you might want to pursue that to keep your life happy. Goodness gracious, if you lose a guy you fall in love with, that could be tragic.
If you don’t love the guy you have kids with, you made a mistake in saying “yes” to marriage. In fact, you made a mistake in having children with him (three, no less!). If you are able to raise your children with the healthy participation of their father, and also fall in love with the younger guy and have a happy relationship with him, all at the same time, you should do it.
But that is a big task. One of the first things you need to learn is to not say “yes” so quickly to anybody.
This is fraught with dangers, so beware and good luck. Remember to keep the children in mind at all times. They deserve an actively involved mother and father, both loving them and giving them nurture and time. The new boyfriend, though important, is secondary to the children.
Wizard
September 21, 2006
Question: I gave him his first kiss and he didn't tell me until 2 weeks later. he is too needy and is falling in love with me faster than i am starting to like him.
ANSWER: Usually the wizard does not respond to short questions that do not tell enough, especially those like “I don’t like him” or “He wines like my puppy dog. Should I dump him?”
So what if he didn’t tell you it was his first kiss. Was it worth it? If it wasn’t, maybe he needs practice. If it was, then what’s the matter with him not telling you?
As for him being too needy, well, most guys (at the first kissing stage) are needy – they just work very hard at pretending they’re not. Anyway, if you’re not ready for his love (certainly an understandable and rational judgment), go with someone else.
Wizard
September 20, 2006
Question: I have been with my boyfriend for six years. He is 28. He has past credit issues and 2 children he pays alot of child support for. I do not mind those issues, except he does not have a good job and is not in school to get a better job. I want a family soon, but he does not have the means of supporting that. He is very good to me, he never disrespects me, he is always there when I need him, we can talk and laugh for hours and we are just as in love as the day we met. I am about to graduate college and we both want to get married and start a family now, but he makes less than $10 an hour and has no benefits. I am not all that into money but I do want enough to own a home and give a decent life for my future children. Do I give up the man that treats me like a princess or could he be worth waiting for to get his life together.
ANSWER: This is a difficult issue of huge importance that people should discuss before they get married. But they don’t. After marriage, some of them love each other so much that they are able to adjust and get through it, staying married and happy. Others can’t resolve it and end up unhappy and separated or divorced. It can be a marriage breaker.
You are wise to start asking the questions now. You need to talk this issue over with your boyfriend, and you need to resolve it one way or the other with him before you get married. You will either accept the fact that he is not a high (or even moderate) wage earner and you’ll love him for what he is and treasure his presence for all the good love he will give to you and your children, or you will find the strain of low income too much to bear with the work you will have to do to make a living and bring up children and manage the house. If the issue is important to you and is still unsolved at the time of your marriage, you will feel as long-winded as that sentence.
You must work together at planning the economics of marriage. It may require a delay in marriage pending his hard work and movement up (a little) the economic ladder.
The wizard advises on dating and dumping. You should not dump him – because you obviously love him – but you should not marry him without studying the ramifications of marriage and the financial burdens associated with it. And, if that issue is something he can’t discuss, or if you can’t reach an agreement about it, then ultimately you should dump him, unless you decide that your relationship with him, as he is, is the most important thing.
Wizard
September 19, 2006
Question: i want to dump my boyfriend who is madly in love with me, but unfortunately i am not really interested in him. The main problem with dumping him is that he is suicidally depressed, and he is always telling me that life without me would not be worth living. help!
ANSWER: If you have been dating long enough to know someone in his family that is close to him, you might give him or her a heads up message that you are about to end the relationship. In this way there might be some support for him nearby when it happens.
If he is truthful, and you believe him, you still must end the romantic part of the relationship. You cannot be held slave to his weakness. If you have not been dating long, this could be his manipulative way of keeping you.
Usually, when you get this kind of message, it is a little of both truth and manipulation – he feels a little suicidal and he says so to make you think he is greatly suicidal in order to keep you. Of course, the wizard cannot make that kind of judgment about this particular guy. But surely you must get it done, because your life will just get worse and worse if he remains as an albatross in your life.
Wizard
September 17, 2006
Question: I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years. I love him and I love his company but as cliche as it is, I'm not in love with him anymore. I just don't want to be in a relationship anymore. So much has happened to me since we've started going out and he's been wonderful, standing by me through illness and deaths of family members, and I feel I'm being totally unfair but I don't need him as a boyfriend. I don't need a boyfriend. I am totally confused. There is no other guy in the picture. How do I tell him this without him getting upset? He keeps on telling me how happy he is and how our relationship is so good now and it’s killing me inside. How do I make him realize that things aren't that great without hurting him? He's my first serious boyfriend and my first love and I don't want any bad feeling between us, although I know that’s inevitable. Please help.
ANSWER: Most first loves end. As a general rule they do not turn out to be the love of one’s life. There is no fault and there is no need to have another boyfriend in line waiting. Simply said, as you said it, you just don’t feel the need to be dating this guy any longer. It happens with guys and with girls – it is just a natural end to a beautiful thing. One can only hope that no one feels too hurt about it, that good lessons were learned, and that both of you will carry with you good memories.
You know him best, so you are the best judge of what will work. Often it works to be plainly honest. You could tell him what you said here: 1) That he has been a wonderful companion throughout the relationship. 2) That you hope he respects your feelings enough to accept your decision that the romantic relationship has ended. 3) That you hope he not only respects your feelings but understands them as well. 4) That the relationship isn’t working for you in a romantic sense. 5) That you owe it to him to be honest. 6) That you know that he probably will feel hurt. 7) That he was your first love and you don’t want any bad feelings. 8) That there is no other guy in the picture. And 9) That you and he have gained many good memories, but you just don’t have romantic feelings any longer.
Good Luck.
Wizard
September 16, 2006
Question: My boyfriend and i went out for 9 months. he was a moron. he made me pay for everything and he would walk away from me in the middle of our dates so he could be with his friends instead of me. and when i finally told him it was over i was nice about it. ... then he became obsessive and when i asked for my stuff back he said that he wouldn't give me my stuff back til i went out with him again. We broke up 2 months ago and he still has my stuff. what should i do to get my stuff back from him... i miss my stuff.
ANSWER: Good thing the relationship is over.
The wizard cannot give legal advice. Contact a local attorney and tell him or her about your stuff. If it has value, you should be able to get it back, if your ex hasn’t destroyed or disposed of it.
Wizard
September 13, 2006
Question: Ok, my boyfriend is a sweet guy and he gives me anything i want, but he has a short temper and seems very controlling sometimes. And me, i'm a very free person. i don't like be told what to do. And he gets really pissed if i call him like 10 minutes late. So should i dump him?
ANSWER: If you don’t like his short temper and that he is controlling, you should dump him. You do not need to compromise on things that are not acceptable to you.
Wizard
September 6, 2006
Question: ok wizard i wrote u a long time ago about my ex and i ended breaking up w/ him. but the reason was because he was a year younger than me but for some reason now that doesnt bother me no more! and i think i may want him back. but...do u think i just miss him? or should i get back w/ him? i know this is the opposite question for u here but please help if u can. oh and i was with him for 5 months. thnx. 
ANSWER: The wizard remembers you kindly. He’s the guy without lips!
When you break up with a guy, there is no rule that you can’t get back with him. If he wants to date you, and you want to date him, you should date!
We all know he has lips. Maybe he just needs some help in using them.
Wizard
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